eeee welcome back on 106.5 mountain FM

Soooo bored.

so bored it hurts.

gonna go set something on fire ! you know ?

Work/Leaving/Mtrl/Art.

I really don’t want to write about my life, eg: today I ate an oreo Lol. oh eem gee, jk jk lol. But for my own sanity I need to get a few things out.

1) working in a restaurant/any place that involves dealing with a staff of more than 5 ppl is total bullshit. hence my new game called, “how long can I nap in storage room until someone takes notice?”…

Don’t get me wrong, I need money, I do my job, they pay me. EVERY 1 wins !!! Too bad I have to tolerate a few people who are either obsessed with their jobs, or such ass kissers it’s a wonder their eyes can handle sunlight.

2) I just recently got a letter from my good friend Nanou, and she is coming to see me all the way from France in Montreal this summer. I also just got a mastercard huge sign I have to deal with adult shit now.

But yeah both of those are helpful things for me, I need to get to Mtrl as soon as I get my shit in order.

3rdly, I am trying to get my shit in order, money, school courses and all that, but there are days where doing those things is next to impossible, and it’s kind of a slow process not something I can just do in a week. When one of those days comes, where I have lost all focus, I just make art or read.

3 days off next week.

Big ups to the universe.

Here is some art I did,

it’s titled “Trust is like a mirror?”

you can’t keep lettin’ it get you down.

I’m trying to live each day as a new day, and take with me only the positives from the day before. I feel like I have lived so many lives and seen a lot, but the more connections I make between everything in my head the more I realize how little I actually know. This is humbling and also angering when I see someone who could never even grasp what I am trying to say here because they are beyond daft and they are so happy (thinking?) they’ve figured out everything, and all the shit they haven’t figured out they pretend they can’t see until they don’t see it for reals.

I don’t know how to be like that, and I don’t want to. So I try to live differently all the time. Change my ways.

All the time. It makes me not care about anything a good part of the time. I just enjoy having anything to do with the trivial pursuits of others, and I’m coming to realize that 90% of people are only truly motivated by personal gain. But what is the point of happiness unless you are trying to share it?

So I start to force myself to care about someone or something, and then that’s my life; because I don’t care about things the way other people do, I go all the way. And then when it lets me down, or gets boring and I’m exhausted from trying to prove to people that I care for at least a bit, I realize that I never actually gave a fuck in the first place.

And then I’m back at square one, -put each day in a box on a calendar-

So this explains why people think I’m an unstable relationship junkie with ADD.

I just read this,

‘There is nothing noble about being superior to some other man. The true nobility is in being superior to your previous self’”.

I know that’s true because honestly what the fuck do I care how I am better or worse than others ?

There will always be someone more genuine and more everything x 10000 than me.

Just as it is untrue that I am better than everyone else, I AM No worse either!

and that’s life.

I’m trying so hard now, to be better than myself.

<3

You shall be my lunch today, said the jackal

You shall be my lunch today,

Every person is a mix of people + influences. You can’t perfectly mimic somebody because they are mimicking someone else. Like looking through a telescope backwards we can only see the vague image of what a person truly is. It takes time and observation to get to the surface. Adding loops in your handwriting is a sign of happiness. For me, just smelling weed is better than smoking it; so that I don’t have to deal with the mental panic attack that comes with almost any drug I have tried. I don’t think I could ever stop finding the hidden humour in situations…

Getting back to the main point. I believe there are polite ways to cut people out of your life forever (if you should need to), Just apologize for “your part”, and try realizing that we are living in 2010, no two people have to co-dependently force each other to take the same path. We’re more advanced than that. We’re crazier than that now. No one needs to meet you halfway, just go 1/4 of the way for people. I am so happy because I finally met a girl who feels like this too, and she can live on the happiness that comes from good people, mango juice etc… I just want to latch on, and never let go. Similarly when a 15 year old slut can still manage to show some couth, it brings a little tear to my eye.

I don’t want to close any doors, can’t we just keep them all open? So I can go back if I take the wrong one? Can we at least have a window?

Evaluating the strength of one’s addiction(s) is sometimes necessary .  Changing perspective, is required to build a better idea of how things really are. Never tell yourself you’re not amazing because half of the people who say you are, actually wish for your speedy decent into self destruction. Don’t fear life. Fear God.

Test Test

Rawrrr.